Saturday, 29 December 2012

The Vacation Cancer

Do you feel hungry and bored all the time? Do you want to learn new things but still continue in the inertia of 'velaness'? Do you miss the campus but on further contemplation find out that it's just the Oreo-shake that's making you nostalgic? Do you wake up at 2:00 am to eat and have cold-coffee only to find people staring oddly at you? Does your family make you feel uncomfortable by interrogating you about the sensex-ual curves of your CGPA? Do you reluctantly bath daily under parental and societal pressure?

Yes. You have been diagnosed of the vacation-cancer.

When I entered my home I was greeted with 347 different versions of the line, 'Kitna patla ho gaya hai!' and since then, have been continuously stuffed with every edible thing available in the house like a Thanksgiving turkey. My relatives commented that the 'educational burden' might be the reason for my supposed weight-loss and almost killed me of guilt. I have countless times narrated my weekly-4-course-mess-menu in different houses at different gatherings on different occasions for different reasons. And believe me, the menu really sounds interesting when described in the right tone with the right gestures.

The cold in Chhattisgarh is biting like a rabid dog. (Yeah, I live there and contrary to popular opinion, am not a Tribal or a Naxalite.) #Bonus Chhattisgarh Fact: People here do wear clothes and sweaters.

In other news, those mischievous Mayans turned out to be legendary trolls and their calendar has been nominated for the 'Best Practical Joke Cracked Before Christ' award. 'Aaj Tak' and 'India News' together made a record of being proved wrong 10001 times. And thus apocalypse has been indefinitely postponed without further notice.

As it miraculously happens every year, my birthday this time too, coincided with the winter vacations. And I feel lucky for having it out-of-campus for the intense fear of the brutal ceremony of throwing the B'day Boy in air and kicking his ribs till he can count all the vertebral bones individually by the pain each one causes. I always wonder why such an evil ritual has such a cute name- 'Birthday Bumps', which should be actually called something like- 'Banging the bladder out of that blockhead till he turns black and blue'.

This tradition also gives much scope for revenge. Take this dialogue for example-
B'day Boy (mid-air with a shoe penetrating into his back)- Do you know that guy who just stabbed me in my chest and said 'Happy Bithday Bro' ?
Friend (yes, it is his shoe)- No. But you once told me that you got a mark more than him in Thermo in the 1st sem

But I surely missed that chocolate cake that my friends would affectionately buy and then dramatically forget that mouth is the hole anatomically assigned for food intake, and end up smearing the cake all over my face.

I have successfully aged beyond my teenage and have already started giving you-undisciplined-arrogant teenagers-look to the younger people. I also have with great maturity switched my loyalties from Dexter, the cartoon-scientist to Dexter, the serial-killer. I am now capable of solving critical problems of life like, 'Shahi or Night-mess?' and have also, with great mental labor, figured out that I am not supposed to write- 'Nothing Much :P' when FB asks me 'What's going on, Suprabhat?' instead of asking, 'What's on your mind?' But yet, I sometimes feel that I still am just a sweet innocent kid deep inside (who laughs at vulgar jokes)

Moving on, there have been other misfortunes happening in the society. Yes, I am talking about that Delhi incident that is splashed all over the news, where a guy confessed that he thought R.I.P. written on the graves actually meant 'Raping In Paradise'. To cut the long story short, we, sadly, have not been respecting Darwin much, lately.

But before I break into a melodramatic moral speech, let me cut-short with the message- 'Enjoy your Holidays', or as the CS guys say: learn C++, C#, Java, Python, CSS, XML, HTML, ASP, Django, Javascript......







10 comments:

  1. Firstly, your posts are filled to the brim with creativity.
    Though, I'll say this one was an exception. Just being honest.

    I was about to sleep but this line was so epic that I read it till the end after that :
    "Banging the bladder out of that blockhead till he turns black and blue." :D

    Secondly, I don't understand why people don't comment on your blog posts. I mean tu toh likhta bhi acha hai yaar :P

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  2. Great stuff. Nice change from reading end-of-year countdowns.

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  3. Ah! Another witty one from GoodMorning :D Nice!

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  4. awesome! good change in style, read it thrice and laughed every time.I read your posts with a constant smile and anticipation and you never disappoint

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  5. I just knew for some reason that there would be a mention about your birthday :P
    Great stuff man! Kudos.

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  6. u h've very well engraved ur thoughts into peoples habitat, good going. (it valued me 10 minutes to write this along wid previous statement) u r really good at this.

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