Monday, 14 January 2013

Aata Majhi Satakli

Yes. That's precisely what 'Epidural Hematoma' is called in Marathi.

In case you don't know what EDH means, it's what happens just inside your skull when it falls in love with a hard thing and then falls on it with the speed of light. And I am talking about it as a boy I knew had it, who two days later in half-forgetfulness discovered he was myself. Wait... *Brainfart*

So, it all began after... Well, I don't remember much of it, except the MedC, two other hospitals, strangers poking my veins, friends making guest-appearances, ambulances and making sense of the annoying urine-bag that stalked me everywhere. But the one thing I surely know is, how and why I fell is still a matter of medical mystery. So let's silently blame the cause of my fall on alien abduction and experimentation.

Reportedly, the three weirdest things that I did in the inactivity of my consciousness were:
(a) Trying to talk some sense into a Punjabi friend. That too in Telugu.
(b) Banging my injured head against the CT Scan machine thinking that the doctors were sealing me off.
(c) Explaining a fellow neurological patient that we don't call a barmaid 'Chemical Engineer' in BITS Goa
But then, it all felt justified after I came to know that I had once replied 'Ammeter Rheostat' on being asked 'How are you feeling?' by a doctor.

But the 'Blunder of the Year' award should certainly go to the SMRC hospital which planned on conducting an unnecessary neurological surgery on my brain. And the thing with an unnecessary neurological surgery is, it's even worse than passive smoking. Because both are harmful to health, but passive smoking at least has the decency of being FREE.

But in all these odds, I must admit, it was the all-comforting company of my friends in the Goa Medical College that kept me going, with their highly encouraging comments like, 'You look very smart in your CT Scan' and 'You are all right. See that patient. Is that brown thing his brain?'

Though the highlight was, acknowledging me regarding the free services provided by the GMC including the glucose and saline drips, in these words, 'Abey ek aur bottle ghusane bol. Free ka hai!' And obviously my hungry wrists obliged.

Yes, the days were very strange as was my face, with hair so irritatingly fuzzy that even my comb went- 'lolwut' So, facially I looked worse than Joker from TDK and physically I was worse than Bruce Wayne from TDKR. But of course, the Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham moment happened when my parents entered the scene and hugged me, as opposed to my expectations, in which I imagined them to break in 'Holy Smokes! Our son is special now!' slow-motion scene.

Then I was shifted to the MedC, which is the best place that one can get in BITS because the AC actually works there and your routine is something like- Sleep. Eat. Sleep. Eat. Shit. Constipation? Sleep again then.
Moving on to the menu. It too is quite exotic, with fascinating options like- Warm Khichdi, Cold Khichdi, Warm Khichdi being cooled and Die hungry.

On the flip side, you have nurses attending you the whole day. Let's leave aside the fact though, that the most killer pick-up line you can manage is only the- 'No mam. I didn't vomit today *innocent smile* ' But then you are supposed to be 'patient', aren't you? (Though I sincerely regret not using the line, 'I fell for you', anytime.)

But speeches are where mothers are. And thus, I became a victim of the vast maternal oratory in which every sentence ended with- '... and that's why you fell down' Well, she accused events ranging from the Portuguese influence on Goan culture to my low CGPA for my fall and I being left with no options of debate or discussion, continued with my silent slumber.

The doctor then wrote me off for a month of hibernation at home, with a hearty request for a haircut, with belief in the saying that one should have a good wrapping at least, if the gift is bad. And thus, I now rest at home with two hours of computer-time a day, officially bunking classes. Now, when I come to think of all of it philosophically, I feel that it's just a nature's mysterious way of saving me from the tortures of ERP, this semester.

The whole last week came with a moral for me- that you should always have good number of calories in diet and good friends by your side, because they will be the ones saving you, when you fall. And yes my friends did save me. And so did Dr Raghu sir, my warden sirs and my dear hostel-assistant sir.

An ending advice- Don't forget to take care of that huge chunk of meat in your head because, believe me, it can ache in a hundred different ways and subtly show who's the boss, if it wants to.

Signing out!



  1. dude! get well soon! great to see you up and about!! :D:D

  2. And you obliged... That's the most I can ask for... Now take care and come here soon. And one awesome blog man :D

  3. Get well soon ra..! We all r relying on u for the keyboard solo of maderchod..! :P

  4. :D you didnt have a urine bag! It was your illusion!

  5. Arrey please raaaaaaaa!!! ouddd raaa baabuuuuuuuu !!!

  6. Couldn't help laughing while reading!
    Goes to show who is best :P

  7. Now this is one blog of his that I did understand :P

  8. You, sir, are GIFTED.
    Never would I write with such subtle elegance after a such an event.
    Respect _/\_
    Aapke charan kaha hain?? :P

  9. All via you friends' encouragement rey!

  10. Hey Suprabhat Get well soon man! Nd have an amazing time back is god's way of giving you these xtra special moments there which most of us are going to lose due to PS-1...
    Awesome Blog btw... :)

  11. Kudos to you for making such an incident sound insanely funny! I had a tryst with SMRC too..though nowhere as serious as yours, that place really is a madhouse. Take care and keep writing :)

    1. dhanyavaad! (all beware of SMRC's twisted sense of humour btw!)

  12. Respect man. Great stuff!

  13. Jaldi aa yaar... :/ And Cinematic Art le liyo ;P :D

    P.S. Thank me for all these followers. Not your spams, neither your weakness, nor your *innocent smile*. Remember, in the previous post, I raised the point that I don't understand why people don't read and comment on your blog, well, people read it. :P

    1. This sem no electives rey :( Hope he continues teaching next sem too.
      And yes. ThanQ Publicity Director!

  14. And then he was back with a BANG (no pun intended)!!! have a light speed recovery :)