Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Confessions, Compliments, Custard, Whatever

These days, there has been a disease that's rapidly infecting the campus, making the students involuntarily spray their stupidity all over the Facebook. Okay, that's basically what FB is for, but wait, now we have specific pages for that, reading which may leave your brain in a comatose state of WTF (what's this foolishness?) Of course, this trend too has reached the campus via the same age-old traditional route of ,"I actually started at some American University, that makes me unreasonably awesome by default, then IIT spotted me and went bananas and nuts, and then stepped in, the BITS, thinking,'Okay, what exactly are we waiting for?' and so on..."

So the page that is in the spotlight is called 'BITS Confessions'; it consists of numerous outpourings of students' darkest secrets (as only a retard would dare to do those things in broad daylight) which obviously are very true, in the same way as I'm true, when I say I go to C-Mess, for its mouthwatering dishes. And the confessions can be roughly divided into these categories below-

(a) I am amazing- No, seriously. I mean, how else could I force my Prof to give me an A, by claiming to be a zombie with moderate make-up and threatening to eat him alive otherwise? Or when I smoked heavily in front of a Security Guard and silently escaped vomiting and swaying, while he wondered whether ghosts could puke! And did I tell you about, how I had written my own recommendations, while my Profs wrote my exams, in exchange of some false medical-prescriptions? And someone else is doing my MS in MIT by the way. So, in short, I am awesome.

(b) I have an adventurous love-life- Yes. Me and my partner are so into each other that we frequently go behind *censored* and continue with *parental advisory: explicit content* ending it with a final touch of *rated R* and then return to our hostels. In fact, I am not a human. I am a blob of testosterone walking. Hence, at the end of my college-years, the probability of me getting gonorrhea is greatly greater than me getting graduated. But in my defense, why should only the boy take all the blame?

(c) I rock at revenge- I am known all over the campus for my temper, which is, like my various other attributes, very short. So, I instantly got irritated when my neighbor continued spamming in DC and FB about some stupid event, and thus set fire to his laptop and later, to him. And the wonderful thing is, he still doesn't know who killed him. But it indeed was a very funny incident. (But I still can't understand why our warden couldn't see much humor in it!)

(d) I am a Die-Hard despo- I am a total chick-magnet; only that, magnets, unfortunately, also repel. I have till now proposed 95 different people with feminine nicks in DC main chat. And sadly got rejected there too. I tried calling girls from my phone-contacts but all of the numbers seemed to dial up Liam Neeson from Taken. (Or were they the annoyed fathers?) Seeing my starved condition, even my friends left me saying, 'Sorry bro. But we can still be frien... Shit!' Sadly, my laptop too has been infected by Dropper and various other viruses so many times, that even a 'performer' from Las Vegas would find it too filthy to use. In short, if you find me hanging somewhere, think twice before touching the suicide-note lying nearby.

(e) I am confused- I, actually, was about to spam on FB, about how attending these fest-nights would change your life forever, for a price of Rs 250 of course, or of Rs 200, depending on whether you'll order those two shirts, a jersey, a petticoat, a doormat, a tissue-paper, a used sock etc on SWD. But on seeing this link, I posted my plea here. I also wanted to praise someone, but owing to my vocabulary, which is so poor even a Somalian would feel posh in comparison, I've posted that too here, instead of doing so on the BITS Compliments page. I sometimes feel that even the teachers should start making announcements here instead of sending Farmville requests, for instance:

Confession #420
All you Chemical people may/may not have a surprise-test/assignment in the lecture/tutorial class of Material Science/Mass transfer. So do attend all the classes. Teehee!


And there are other weird categories too, like the one where a person anonymously replies in his confession, to another confession made by some other anonymous person. I mean,what's this? Omegle?

And worse is the page, 'BITS Proposals' where-
(a) In case of girls- A someone proposes a girl, thus increasing her self-esteem exponentially, making her famous and proud, without any point, as he still remains incognito. So, in a way it's like, you conducting a vigorous PR Drive for the fest of some college you aren't even a part of. In short, useless. But if you really want to compliment, then post it on BITS Compliments. At least it looks neater there.
(b) In case of boys- Dude, chill! It's just your slightly gay friend making an advance at you.

I still didn't get the point of BITS Abuses. Yet I think it's okay, for those who think that throwing expletives on someone, while safely hiding in a pit themselves, is mature enough. But on a whole, it's all good, as these pages are at least trying to stimulate the creativity of the frustrated souls in the campus, as they desperately try to pen down a power-packed Sunny Leone movie (Yes. Movie.) into a paragraph.

So seriously guys, grow up. And if you'll excuse me, I have to go propose myself on BITS Proposals.


  1. Okay now I'm tired of praising your blog everytime. So this time I think I'll pass... Wait, did that just mean an appraisal? o.O

  2. "..........two shirts, a jersey, a petticoat, a doormat, a tissue-paper, a used sock etc on SWD. "

    hahahaa :D awesome dude :D

  3. Brilliant. Just Brilliant. Supra = God

  4. Check out the response -

  5. I'am tempted to spam this post on wallz of bits confessions and compliments,ofcourse... proposals too... :P

  6. People have to stop saying "propose a girl".
    "I propose a girl as an ideal entity to be sacrificed during our next cult meeting."
    Now that last sentence used it right.

    1. :D Yeah! True actually! But then "I made a proposal to her" sounds too official.
      Hence, make-doing with it :)

    2. I proposed TO her!!!

    3. Oh great! Who's the lucky girl? :P

  7. Couldn't have said it better. :D

    Confessions without Consequences are like playing russian roulette with a water pistol.. tad lame ain't it? :D

  8. You are just awesome!! Tissue paper. Socks!! _/\_ amazing!! Every post is just getting better and better!

  9. got to confess,you are insanely funny!!!!!!!!simply _/\_

  10. Thanx-a-lot! Y'all keep me going! :)