Thursday, 25 October 2012

Train (of thought) II


I stumbled and fumbled with an intent to follow her as as she walked past me towards the vestibule and turned and went to a place where it would be plain illegal for me to follow. And I just stood there shocked and awe-struck. To be frank, she completely ignored me as I stared unsociably at her.

What? Were you expecting a Bollywood-ish hero-heroine intro sequence. Well, then let me remind you once again- I am an engineer (awkward). And I am a blogger (x1000).

Yeah, exceptions exist everywhere and there are various un-printable and fun-speakable titles to honor them, starting from the affectionate "Tharki" to complex ones like "#@%^&!%# " which involve various Freudian aspects. But let's put them aside.

Moreover, we male engineers never have much hormonal activity going on; unless there's a laptop involved. Introduce a laptop in the scene, and then there's a spike... In the hormonal activity.

And that's precisely the reason why girls fake being offline, because we boys, supposedly, sit huddled, like a group of hungry salivating falcons with tongues lolling out and intent eyes piercing the laptop screen, in search of a prey, which is an online-random-'friend'- girl, to swoop at the chat box and dig her brains out by 'boring' conversations.

% Myth-buster: We satisfy our urges and surges just by 'stalking', and during the process, accidentally 'liking'. (The reason for now-20-years-old you, getting a 'like' on your fifth-birthday-cake-pic, with a comment- "awww so sweet :):):):):)" ) And so don't require chatting.

I recently heard a girl saying, "Oh my god! Shameless stalkers. Thank heavens, I get notified every time someone 'follows' my profile." Well, chill out girl. That's called Quora.

Also, as opposed to various rumors floated by Aaj Tak, Software Engineers have not been successful yet in devising a way for crawling through the LAN cables and emerging into someone's laptop screen like an emergency pop-up window. So, feel safe being online. It's a friendly neighborhood.

(This ad, featuring Morgan Freeman's voice, has been issued in the public interest. Conditions applied.) %

There was a person sitting on a berth far off in the other side of the compartment with a bespectacled face and almost bald head staring into his Macintosh. Holy Shit! Steve Jobs. But shouldn't he 'drop out' of the train or something ? I approached him timidly.

He was running a media player as well as a reader side-by-side watching "Hello" (no, you don't know this) and simultaneously reading "One night @ call center" (yes, you know this)
He- "What a disgusting movie!"
Me-"No offense, but the book was crap too!"
He- "Still! This movie is downright diarrhea"
And we giggled at this poop-joke for 5 minutes.
(And my sincere apologies to the readers but, Chetan Bhagat totally looks like Steve Jobs from one rail-coach distance. You can check if you want.)

He- "Engineer, kid?"
Me-"Yeah! Chemical Engineer."
He- "Shit man! The last time I met a Chemical guy, he was all like, 'Bhaiyya. Yeh davaai iss dukaan mein                         nahin milti!' LMFAO"
Me-"Hehe. Yeah. Chemical Engineers and Chemists are totally interchangeable."
He- "Just kidding, bro. Chill out. I meant no offense. Lite. But, on a serious note, what alternative career options have you considered? Coz, you gotta eat something, right?"
Me- "I don't know. What's your secret of success? I mean, you had put your fingers in so many pies and then you blotched tissue papers with your smeared hands and... voila! the Indian 'paperback' king."
He- "See, I didn't know what I loved, so I did everything, courses and degrees and jobs, and shortlisted what I hated and bingo! I got my real calling."
Me- "Writing?"
He- "No. Being a housewife."
Me-"*Sigh* They call even you people Home Engineers these days."
He- "When they can call YOU engineers! LOL. ROFLMAO. This shit is so funny!"
Me- "Okay. But seeing today's trends, almost every engineer is vomiting a novel every alternate day about his oh-so-awesome-I'm-totally-nailing-it engineering life that includes various interesting and thought-provoking elements like mess-food, semester-backs, bunks-and-flunks, placement-heartbreaks and below-poverty-line-CGPA. That's how sad it can get. And there you are, playboy-ing in your college-stories."
He- "Who said so?"
Me-"You yourself. I saw your interviews!"
He- "Exactly. *wink* Dude, I was an IITian. I rest my case."
He- "You are, what you write. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll write another novel about this train-meeting, which people will again needlessly go bananas over."

I was just flowing in the reverie when a ground-nut seller hawked the soul out of me.
"Babu, ek idhar dena", I said.
"Who the hell is 'babu'?", the seller scowled.
"What the hell?", was the smartest response I could come up with.
"What?", yeah, he said.
"I... I don't mean anything derogatory towards this noble profession and indeed it plays a key-role in the Indian economy, but why, I mean.... you seem educated. And ground-nut seller?", I zipped my mouth, finally.
"Ground-nut seller? Bitch, I am an entrepreneur", he said, shoving a packet in my trembling hands.
"Huh! Oh!", I said and continued being lame.
To avoid any further awkwardness, I added-
"Well, entrepreneurship is indeed a tough 'nut' to crack" and winked.
He didn't respond.
"And an entrepreneur has to be well-versed with the 'nuts' and bolts of his business" and winked again.
He didn't respond.
"In fact, I sometimes feel like a 'nut' for not trying my hand at start-ups till now"
He responded finally ending the pun-fest saying-
"How would you like your nuts? Salted? Or broken?"

And, I did what I do my third best, slipped away.

Now, this word 'Entrepreneurship' has always confused me. No, not the spelling. (Ignoring the fact that I got it correct the seventh time.) The whole concept is warped in itself. Everyone is an engineer nowadays. But at least it requires a certificate. But entrepreneurship? No, it's too cool for that. And the trouble is, it has infected all the professions and spheres of life.

Let me throw some light on a doctor-patient conversation I recently eaves-dropped into, to justify my point-

Doctor- Sorry to say, but, my scheme, 'Oh patient, Be patient' doesn't cover the treatment of your overly-fragile heart condition, but you can have a free sugar check-up benefit-voucher by donating your sperm at that counter
Patient- *facepalm*

Finally, shaking off all the cluttered thoughts, I wondered why engineers go into all different places starting from one common point; what is so repelling in our syllabus that alters our thought-processes; whether Engineering is more of an eye-opener towards actual interests rather than a course and whether the trailer of "Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola" made sense.

But, let's-face-it, we humans have this inclination to eventually neglect what we have in our hands and gape at the opportunities around (no twisted interpretations please) and I am probably exaggerating a simple phenomenon to a much higher level. And who knows, even I might end up doing something other than Engineering. (Considering my grades, which are skydiving more gracefully than Felix Bumgardener)

And shortly afterwards, I toppled from my bed into a fresh new morning at 3 pm.



  1. good one but the last one has an answer ..... y engineering or medical .... only for a base to pursue your future interests ...... u need money and degree fetches .... do what interests u and make an earning out of degree .... its like maintaining a girl friend having a wife at home :P

  2. Good Stuff Man... Can't pick up any instances because to be honest I don't remember most of it. All I *can* remember is laughing a lot along the read :)

  3. thanks to all above ! anything for a laugh !